Back in the day, eating was a main event. I use to get excited about it. There was so many possibilities and so many meals to be had.
In college, this girl’s favorite thing to do was slam 20 chicken nuggets, large fries and two cheeseburgers. I use to really enjoy a big drink and an extra large portion of chili cheese tater tots for a snack. I would REALLY get excited about those things. Eating was my sport of choice and I loved every minute of it.
Fast forward to now, I’m really not that excited about food. I lived to eat and now I eat to live. That’s the biggest difference in me now. Don’t get me wrong, I can enjoy a great plate of Greek or Lebanese food but it’s really not the same.
I use to bake cookies and brownies and eat them all. I would get mad if people at my stuff too. I wouldn’t share. I hated sharing. Remember when Miranda ate cake of out the garbage on Sex and The City? I did that too!
Everything in my life was centered around food. I would spend quality time with friends over a meal. I would eat out fast food every meal of the day. There were so many options and I had to explore them all. I would frequent the Golden Corral or the Chinese buffet of choice because I got more bang for my buck. Now things just aren’t the same.
Food had so much power over me. Food was comfort for good days, bad days and everything in between. Food sometimes was the adhesive strip that covered the bullet holes of the day. I used food to make me feel better. Food was my best friend when I celebrated the good times and was there to console me in the bad times. Food was my also my friend when I was bored or wanted someone to watch television with me.
I can’t not have you read this and think that I’m past all of these things. If I were to tell you that, it would be a big lie. There are moments when I’m upset that I think rolling through McDonald’s at the end of a bad day could make me feel better. There are times when it would just be convenient to pick up something really quickly. It’s easy to want to indulge after finishing a race and you’re proud of the accomplishment.
We still struggle with the social aspect of food because whenever someone wants to celebrate they want to sit down to a big meal. It’s hard trying to find the balance of living within the boundaries we have set for ourselves and still maintaining those social connections.
In the end, it’s not about moving past the issue; it’s about dealing with the issues and taking the power back. I will struggle with my food problems for the rest of my life. Food was my addiction. Food held all the power and I’m learning everyday how to take that power back. Things have gotten easier, but it doesn’t mean I don’t fight for it everyday.
I fight for it because it was something I had to do. I needed a change and this is what change has gotten me. I know I am stronger than what I once was before in life. Even if I fall off track, I know I’m strong enough to pull myself back on the path and keep moving forward.
Instead of choosing food for comfort, I choose food that will make me strong. I choose to take control. I choose to be healthy. I choose to be the best version of myself by not letting food be my best friend. I choose to be my own best friend and show myself that I am capable, strong and determined. I don’t need to find that comfort in food anymore.