This weekend was a supposed to be a time for rest. It was supposed to be a time to relax so we went to visit a cute little girl and her family. There was lots of princess talk and it was fun. The infamous godchild is a big of ball of cuteness and fun.
I also had my first visit to Charming Charlie. It is like a SPARKLY RAINBOW EXPLODED in the store. My mind was on overdrive the entire time I was in there. I couldn’t focus on just one thing. It was hard for me to found something but I finally found something on clearance.
The bad self talk started when I was looking for a pair of jeans. I couldn’t find a pair to fit my hips and my thighs. The running has made my thighs balloon with muscles…and it’s probably the spinning too. My legs have gotten so much bigger and it’s harder for me to find jeans. I got frustrated but Willie simply pointed out I was shopping at the wrong store. I tend to have long legs too so that’s a problem. Luckily I finally found a pair at Levi’s before I totally demolished my self confidence. I was letting a number (AGAIN) define the person thought I should be.
And then come yesterday’s long run…I was going to run 20 miles even though I just realized I wasn’t supposed to. Next marathon is three weeks out and I’ve been trying to keep my mileage up. Yesterday I ran 16.25 miles, I ran the 10 with my best buddy and I ran 6 and change by myself. I felt bad that I didn’t continue on to do a full 20 miles and I will admit I felt like a loser. I don’t like to feel like I’ve failed or didn’t complete something and I just felt a little bad yesterday.
Willie told me over and over that what I did was just fine. I got out there and ran more than what most people would ever do anyway. Over the two days I did run 20 miles because I did run 4 the evening before. I am very happy I was able to run the miles and I was even more “stoked” to run the miles with Tyson. We ran all over Hutto and I realized, it’s a lovely place to run. But I shouldn’t have beaten myself down because I didn’t do something I wasn’t supposed to do anyway because I did run 16 miles. (And if you notice, the training plan really only called for 14 miles anyway…)
Being hard on myself is no good and if someone else came to me and said the same thing, I would tell them to stop talking bad about themselves. So why do I do it to myself? We are our hardest critics. There’s nothing wrong with being a critic but I/we shouldn’t let that stop us from celebrating our accomplishments because those accomplishments aren’t “enough.” What makes a person determine what “good enough” really is and why do I let that bring me down?
I’m never really stopping to enjoy the moment, I’m always looking at what’s next. I’m always working toward a bigger goal and I never stop to celebrate along the way. I know that is one of my biggest problems. The road to getting there is just as important as the end result. I do begin with the end in mind but maybe I’m too focused on the END and not the middle. Also, I need to realize that every bit of something is a step in the right direction. I really didn’t fail at my running feat but I did fail with how I dealt with the situation. I took to making myself feel bad about it instead of lifting myself up. It’s a dangerous cycle that can really destroy any journey a person is trying to make. Whenever I feel these feelings, I will stop and think of a positive about the situation instead focusing on the negative. I will say that positive thing out loud so I can hear it and not just think it!
One thing I did enjoy this weekend as Pho with friends. I had a veggie pho and Willie had one of the “unusual” creations with tendon and some other stuff…but not the tripe. It was really good! Everyone should give pho a chance!
After the run yesterday, I enjoyed an ice bath! When I was done with that bath I put on my flash t-shirt (appropriately themed after run shirt) and enjoyed some lowfat chocolate milk. I need to get back on my feet as soon as possible so the chocolate milk definitely helps me on my way. The right carbs to protein ratio makes sure my body has everything it needs to recover so I can move on today…and this week!
Do you have bad internal self talk? How do you combat the negative self talk?