Postpartum depression confession

Yesterday I was empowered by Sublimely Fit to talk about my struggle with post-partum depression on my Instagram. I met Beth last year at Fitbloggin while we were both pregnant so I feel we’ll always have a bit of a bond. I was beyond impressed that she spoke so openly about her post-partum depression because I haven’t been able to.

Believe it or not, I’m a private person. I know that sounds weird because I put my “life” on social media for all of you to enjoy. I’m not good with opening up about struggles. I am the one who tries to remain positive and just work through situations without really addressing the struggle. But my friends, this has been a struggle.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. I am truly blessed to have a great mom and be a mom to #BabyG. I never thought I would be able to be a #mom but I've been blessed. I will cherish every moment of it. #mother #momlife #motherhood #mothersday #i

So yes I’ve been struggling. Sometimes my anxiety has been out of control. Some days it’s been hard for me to do anything but take care of my child. My creativity and the WANT to do anything has been zapped. There have been days when I felt unimportant. There were days when I felt like I didn’t matter. The one thing I felt gave me purpose was my sweet Baby G.

The slightest bit of conflict or stress would send me into a panic and into a bad place. I wasn’t dealing with things without breaking out into tears.

All this and my hormones are all out of whack, too.

When I couldn’t work out, I always thought it would be better when I could work out. When I started working out, I thought things would be better when I started to run. I was always looking for the solution. Things did get better when I was able to workout but it didn’t magically go away.

Running with baby

I got to the point where I needed to seek help and that was probably the best decision I ever made. Talking about stuff has really made a huge difference. Keeping stuff bottled up is my worst enemy because I’m spending the time overthinking and overanalyzing.

Things are getting better. I’m having more better days than bad days and hopefully, I’m starting to kick this to the curb. My biggest hurdle right now is just finding the motivation to get out and run. The running thing is hard for me because I’m much slower than what I use to be. It’s hard for me to deal with. It’s hard not to compare myself to other new moms out there giving it a go. It’s hard to not compare myself to the way I use to be.

I even struggled with quitting teaching my cycle classes.  I remember the weeks before my first day back. I cried because I didn’t think I was capableI’m not in the place to decide right now if this is something I should do so I’m holding tight on the subject.  I do know it’s a good that I have a set time that I am forced to get up and workout.  This has been a saving grace.  It forces me to be social.  It forces me to get active.  And I always feel better when I’m done.

My life is different. My body is different and this is taking some time to get adjusted. I’m still working out and working toward my goals. But I guess that’s the big thing, I haven’t set any goals. I’m not working toward something and it’s left me wandering aimlessly. This all due to me not having the motivation to work toward something.

This is not being able to see past the point where I am right now. I know that staying active, eating healthy and getting reasonable amounts of sleep has done wonders.

This is the thing they don’t really focus on during pregnancy.  It’s almost like a dirty subject.  They mention it but they don’t really talk about it.  It’s okay to feel this way and there’s nothing wrong with seeking out help to deal with it.

I am sharing this with you because I feel like I’m almost at the top of the mountain. I am sharing this with you to show that things aren’t always easy and that I struggle through times too. I can make it look easy because I can post what I want to share with you on the internet. I can choose to only share happy times with you, but that’s not being true to who I am. I share this with you to show you that even in difficult times, you can still make it through.