I like to think I’m ok with it, but I know I’m not. I haven’t been bashing my body image but I’ve been more conscious of it lately. Maybe it’s because I’ve been out of town lately and really settled into my usual pattern, but I’ve been noticing.
I talk about my legs way too much. I even mentioned it last week in a blog post. I am self conscious about my thighs. Funny thing is, it used to be my arms but now it’s my thighs. You will see the evolution of the shorts in this post. Maybe I should just throw the stupid shorts out though if it’s causing this much contemplating. LOL!
When I started my weight loss journey, I pictured what I thought I would look like after losing the weight. It didn’t turn out quite the way I thought I would but I am in no way complaining. Yes, I’m left with the remnants of being overweight and it doesn’t bother me. The thing that bothers me is returning to what I use to be.
It’s scary hearing people talk about how they lost the weight and they tell you they put it back on. I sometimes thing people tell share this story to others who have lost weight because those people are somewhat down on themselves for gaining it back. Gaining the weight back has always been the biggest fear since losing the weight. I hate to admit it, but it’s the truth.
I’ve stopped stepping on the scale because I don’t want to be defined by that number. As long as my clothes fit me the same, I’m ok. Well guess what folks? My pants/shorts no longer fit me to same. I feel like I’ve gained 45 pounds in just my legs. Friends tell me, well look how much you work out. Willie pokes fun at me because he knows I stepped up my running and that’s the cause of my massive “thighage.” I blame my genetics too. My dad has cursed all of this kids with these big legs!
I look back at pictures from last August before I started training heavily and my thighs were slim. Now those suckers are muscular and I really have no reason to complain. Needlesstoday, this shorts don’t fit me the same way now. The shorts really hug my thighs! It’s just hard dealing with the body changes. When my legs get bigger, my first thought goes to gaining weight. My thought goes to all those people out there who run and don’t have the massive leg growth syndrome. I wish I could be one of those people, but I’m not.
I need to get over this insecurity but I feel like it will follow me around for some time now. But I guess I could have bigger problems to worry about. All in all, it’s a lesson in learning to love yourself the good and the bad. The perfections and the imperfections even when it’s the hardest thing for you to do! I am strong, I am healthy and I’m proud of everything I’ve accomplished and I should spend more time celebrating that instead of getting wrapped up in the insecurity.