Sometimes I feel like women people say they want a family or are pregnant, there’s just a bunch of negativity that automatically comes back. The world is suddenly filled with all the things you “can’t” and “won’t” want to do. It’s more than unfair that people expected me to give up my dreams or dim my light due to the fact I was a popping put a baby. Why as a woman are we challenged by what we want to do when having a child, but a man isn’t?
One tough mother can find a way to find her “all.”
Being a mother is the most relevant job that I will ever have in life, and I take it very seriously. But just like every job I have in life, there comes a great deal of responsibility with that. I have a responsibility to take care of this little human who depends on me for EVERYTHING. Therefore, I think it’s essential that I show her that you should go after the things you want in life. There will never be a right time for anything, so you just work it out.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was very excited but scared out of my mind. I had wild dreams of showing my child the world. I wanted her to have experiences instead of a bunch of things sitting around. I try to lead by example to show her what a hard-working, dedicated, motivated black woman could accomplish in a world where people are always telling you “can’t” and/or “won’t.”
There are lessons to be learned. No, I can’t do everything that I want to do, and frankly, I have a hard time balancing everything sometimes. I’ve still managed to train for two marathons even though I’ve had to get creative a bit with the training schedule.
In today’s world, I don’t think you can win as a mother. People will criticize you for not staying at home with your child because you need to make a living. People will bash you for not breastfeeding your child, but I wasn’t able to do that. I know there are people out there who bash me for running or traveling or doing a lot of the things that I do. It’s hard when you put yourself out on the internet because people think they know you and make assumptions. I have really learned just not to care.
I am the only person who can set my limitations. No one will ever tell me what I can’t do. I am the ONLY person who can say to myself that I’m not capable of doing something. Sometimes that comes with gut instinct and others it comes with trial and error.
I had many people tell me I wouldn’t be able to run the races with a small child. Or that it would be close to impossible to keep my schedule going the way it has gone. I needed to make some adjustments, and I might just be a bit more tired than before. I’ve just learned to make things work, and if I don’t get to something today, there is always a tomorrow.
I’m a working mom. Most days, I take Tiny Tot to work with me. My office sometimes resembles daycare. I have to stop to take dance and color breaks. Some days she just wants to sit in my lap while I work. It’s not always easy, and some days I want to cry on the floor. But all that matters is, I’m making it work in a world where “they” said I “couldn’t.”
My days are long. I try to get things started early in the morning. I don’t always get to determine how well I sleep at night. I don’t get to decide who my day will flow. That does not mean I can’t do something because I have a child. That just means I have to find a better way to get it done. There’s a whole emotional aspect to it because we do want to be there for our children and to be present. We want to be there for all the moments with our children. Mommy guilt is a real thing, but as mothers, we shouldn’t let that concept consume us. That should push us to prioritize and make the best use of our time to be present with our kids.
Instead of throwing out all the negative talk when a woman chooses to have a child, why don’t we spend more time uplifting them? We should not be downgraded because we are wanting to bring life into the world. I don’t want anyone to feel like you have to give up yourself when you bring a child into the world. I think that is the moment when we realize the things that are most important to us and want to work that much harder for those things.